Posted on by lopa · 7 Comments

Breaking it down

Many of you have asked me how I do it. So, I’m trying to break it down and give you a snapshot of what an average week looks like for me in terms of food and exercise. Some weeks are better and others are worse…This is going to be a short post (well, shorter than my previous ones). I thought I’d give you a brief idea about my exercise and food schedule for a week just to show that it is neither extraordinary nor unachievable. I have been maintaining this for almost a year now and am fairly confident that I can do it for an extended period of time. This has worked well for me. There are some areas of food I still have to work on. For example my water intake is poor. I drink a lot of water while I’m exercising or running but forget about drinking any throughout the day. Please do let me know how I can increase my water intake if you have ideas. Also, I’m not doing too good on fruits and veggies. But overall, I eat everything but in moderation and try to stay away from carbs as much as possible. Hope this helps!!

Red Label tea

Day 1 (Tuesday)

Wake up: 6 am

7 am

½ glass of room temperature water

1 cup of tea (Red label) organic fat free milk and 1 tsp sugar with 2 Marie biscuits

8.30 to 9.30 am

4.1 mile run in 58 minutes. Total steps done 9,238.

11 am

7-8 chocolate covered almonds to satiate my sweet craving

12 noon

Lunch – 2 rotis with turnip subzi, fat free plain yogurt

 3.45 pm

1 cup of tea (Red label) organic fat free milk and 1 tsp sugar with 2 marie biscuits

 6.45 pm

Dinner – chicken shammi kabab Panini sanwhich (look out for the recipe in future posts) and 1 gulab jamun

 Total steps done at the end of the day – 12,021

Step Interval Class

Day 2 (Wednesday)

Wake up: 6.30.

7 am

½ glass of room temperature water

1 cup of tea (Red label) organic fat free milk and 1 tsp sugar

8 am

1 toast (9 grain bread) with butter

9.30 am to 10.30 am

Step Interval exercise (total steps done at the end of it – 6,284)

Lots of water intake during exercise

11.30 am

2 chakli was feeling toally famished

1.30 pm

Lunch – baby spinach, argula and grilled chicken salad

3.45 pm

1 cup of tea (Red label) organic fat free milk and 1 tsp sugar

7.00 pm

Dinner – Two Rotis with chicken (thighs) curry and 1 gulab jamun

Total steps done at the end of the day – 11,066

Cucumber Sandwich

Day 3 (Thursday) this is my rest day as I teach two dance classes

Wake up: 7.00am

7.20 am

½ glass of room temperature water

1 cup of tea (Red label) organic fat free milk and 1 tsp sugar

8 am

1 toast (9 grain bread) with butter and 1 banana

10.30 am to 11.30

Teach dance (Steps done 2,489)

11.45

Unsalted almonds for snack

12.30 – 1.15

teach dance (total steps done 3,986)

1.30 pm

Lunch – cucumber sandwich with mint chutney and hot and sweet Maggie ketchup in nine grain bread

3.45 pm

1 cup of tea (Red label) organic fat free milk and 1 tsp sugar

7.00 pm

Dinner – Two Rotis with chicken (thighs) curry (left over from Wednesday)

Total steps done at the end of the day – 7,589

Body Jam

Day 4 (Friday)

Wake up: 6.45 am

7 am

½ glass of room temperature water

1 cup of tea (Red label) organic fat free milk and 1 tsp sugar

8 am

1 banana

10.45 am

Protein shake

9.30 am to 10.30 am

Body Jam – dance based exercise (total steps done at the end of it – 7,213)

Lots of water intake during exercise

12 noon

Lunch – Soup and sandwich at Panera with a friend

3.45 pm

1 cup of tea (Red label) organic fat free milk and 1 tsp sugar

7.00 pm

Dinner – Two big pieces of tandoori chicken and 1 shami kabab (no carbs)

Total steps done at the end of the day – 10,523

Biryani

Day 5 (Saturday)

Wake up: 8.00 am

8.20 am

½ glass of room temperature water

1 cup of tea (Red label) organic fat free milk and 1 tsp sugar

Skipped breakfast completely (Not the greatest thing to do)

11 am

Brunch at Eggsperience  (a breakfast place in Naperville, IL). Both husband and son love going there.

Lots of shopping and walking around in the mall (steps: 5,390)

5.30 pm

1 cup of tea (Red label) organic fat free milk and 1 tsp sugar and 3 Marie biscuits

9.00 pm

Party at a friend’s place so absolutely went overboard with food and drinks – 2 glasses of red wine, biryani, 1 naan (bread), palak-paneer (Cottage cheese and spinach), dal-makhni (Pulses in butter) and fruit cream.

We danced for an hour so added to my steps

Total steps done at the end of the day: 7,686

Shrimp in pesto

Day 6 (Sunday)

wake up: 8.30 am

9.20 am

½ glass of room temperature water

1 cup of tea (Red label) organic fat free milk and 1 tsp sugar

9.15 am

1 slice of bread (toast) with butter and 1 banana

Ran 4.5 miles (Total steps: 9,500)

1 pm

Lunch – grilled chicken Panini with siracha (home-made)

8.30 pm

1 glass of white wine. Shrimp in pesto sauce with ½ cup of cooked white rice. 1 magnum mini-bar (white chocolate – I absolutely love these)

Total steps done at the end of the day: 12,356

Run run run

Day 7 (Monday)

Wake up: 6.00 am

6.40 am

½ glass of room temperature water

1 cup of tea (Red label) organic fat free milk and 1 tsp sugar

8.30 am

1 banana

9.15 – 10.15

Step interval aerobics (total steps: 6,982)

11 am

greek yogurt and fruits

12 noon

 2 rotis and home-made kali dal (black pulses)

3.45 pm

1 cup of tea (Red label) organic fat free milk and 1 tsp sugar

6.45 pm

Dinner – 1 plain deep parantha with Dannon non-fat yogurt and pickle

Total steps done at the end of the day – 12,322

Full Disclosure: I am not associated with any of the products or business discussed or published in a picture in the above post. They are solely for the purpose of either enhancing my blog or because I truly like/dislike the product or business. 

Posted on by lopa

The Khana Conundrum

two statesA few months ago I was approached by the foodie website www.itspotluck.com to write a “Two States” story about my life. I am a Bengali married to a Kashmiri Pandit. Since It’s Potluck is a food and  recipes website, the story had to be about food differences between the two of us and the impact those differences had on our lives. In truth, our food preferences are quite compatible. We have never had problems in regards to food. Please read this light-hearted account of my “Two States” story and for all you foodies out there…do visit www.itpotluck.com. It is a very good cooking resource. Here’s the link to my story:- The Khana Conundrum

Posted on by lopa · 14 Comments

Here’s how I do it!

fitbitI was just telling my husband the other day that maintaining a healthy lifestyle is like a Marriage! It needs commitment, understanding and the will power to succeed. Making unhealthy choices is like cheating on your spouse. At the same time, for a marriage to be successful, it has to be entertaining, exciting and stimulating. Yes, you make sacrifices to keep your marriage strong. But most couples who have been married for really long will tell you that the secret to their successful years together is because they are so used to one another that they’ve become a part of each others daily life and routine. This is what your healthy lifestyle should become. It should become a part of you, so much so that you should not be able to live without it.

My endeavor is to follow a routine, which is healthy within the framework of my present lifestyle. You and I know that we will lose a tremendous amount of weight if we eat salads day and night. Some of us have even tried it and have been fairly successful in losing some extra baggage (I know cos I’ve done it). But is that sustainable? Can we do it day in and day out, year after year? The answer is a clear NO!!! Ultimately we fall off the bandwagon and gain twice the amount we had initially lost.

Most healthy meal choices (for me and for most of us desis) are not great for our palate. They are either too bland or too sweet. Nothing, absolutely nothing can substitute the yumminess of a “aloo-tikki chaat” or “samosas”. Yes, it is possible to substitute some of the ingredients in these dishes for healthier ones – but come on…by the end of it; it just doesn’t taste the same. Baked samosas??? You’ve got to be kidding me!!!

I can easily declare, it is that much MORE difficult for us desi women who have grown up eating desi food to lose the extra pounds. Having said that, and having lost more than 10 pounds in the past few months, I can confidently say that it is definitely possible to lose the adipose without giving up our desi cravings. A salad is fine for a day or two but soon we want to taste a parantha (a flat, thick piece of unleavened bread fried with clarified butter on a griddle, sometimes stuffed with grated vegetables etc) or gulab jamuns! (milk solids called khoya kneaded into a dough, with a pinch of flour, and then shaped into small balls and deep fried then soaked in a light sugary syrup flavored with green cardamom and rose water, kewra or saffron)

So, what’s the answer? How does one actually lose weight even while consuming these oh so yummy but sinful delicacies? For me, the answer is a delicate balance between “portion control” and “exercise”. This is almost a fine art. You simply have to burn more than you are putting into your body. What is significant is that I did not give up any of these to shed the pounds. I did reduce the portions and frequency of consumption but continued to eat my favorite desi delights. In fact, I experimented eating 1 parantha everyday for lunch for a whole week and still came out lighter than I was at the beginning of the week.

Someone once told me that I could never lose weight if I ate a banana everyday. I eat 1 banana every single day before heading out to the gym. It keeps me full and gives me energy. When I started this journey, I decided I needed to be able to sustain whatever I achieved. The only way I could sustain and maintain this lifestyle was by not giving up the stuff I loved to eat and enjoyed. Keeping that in mind I started working out and checking what combination of exercise and food intake was working best for me. This combination will be different for each one of us – depending on how much we can exercise, metabolism, type of food etc. But what I want to underscore is that do not go on an absolute alien diet. Sure, you will lose weight but will gain it right back (as I did mention in my previous post). Ive tried it and regret ever having done it.

Having said that, I want to emphasize that my journey is not just about weight loss. As the tag line of my blog clearly states – it is a journey towards Health. I am not looking to be a size zero or a 110 lbs. I want to be at a weight, which I am comfortable with. I want to be at a fitness level where I can do stuff that I want to. I want to trek, I want to swim, and I want to run! To do all of this, I have to make some sacrifices, which I am ready to make. But I will not become a “food ascetic” (give up all the food I love eating).

Some tips for those of you who have been thinking of changing your lifestyle to a healthy one…Here’s how I did it. I don’t know if this will work for you. Maybe some of it will, while you would need to ignore the rest. The important thing is that you chart out your goals and STICK to them.

Commitment – Before starting anything important, you have to commit yourself to it. I know I had been thinking about working out for almost a year before I started doing it regularly. I started to do it several times and then stopped. I would workout for a couple of times a week for 3-4 weeks and then stop for several months at a stretch. This does not work. If you think of working out twice a week for an hour each, then workout for twice a week for an hour. No matter what, do it. It doesn’t matter if the sink is full of dirty dishes or there are 3 loads of laundry to fold. Your health should take precedence over all of your household chores. While commitment is the most important aspect, it is also the most difficult. If you are able to stay committed, the rest will follow.

 Fitness buddy – The second most important piece, which has helped me in my voyage, is getting a fitness buddy. In my case, it is my husband. In truth, he inspired me to do this in the first place. He managed to lose more than 20 pounds in less than a year back in 2007-8 and soon after quit smoking (cold turkey). He is one of my biggest inspirations and also keeps me in check when I become lax. It always helps when both you and your spouse are trying to make a life change together, trying to eat healthy and trying to exercise. So get out there and get a fitness buddy.

Baby Steps – Many of my “runner” friends have told me to run the half marathon this year since they know I’m running now. To their disappointment, I’ve said ‘No’. I do not want to do too much too soon. In fact, I want to be able to give my body time to adjust and adapt. When I started exercising, I actually started with only one day a week for an hour. I am now up to 5-6 days of vigorous cardio and some strength. So, start gradually – (do as much as possible #AMAP) don’t try to do too much too soon. Remember – you have to maintain this throughout your life. An injury can deter you so take is easy. #AMAP

Activity Band – This helped me tremendously. It told me that I needed to move more. Simply by meeting my step goal for the day, I know am keeping my heart healthy. This is not necessarily a must for everyone. Many of my very active friends don’t use this and still manage to do all the right things to achieve their health goal. Again, this has worked well for both my hubby and me. You can log in the calories you are eating and the band will help you calculate if you are burning enough or not. It is a personal trainer and dietician all in one. (There are so many fitness bands out there and so many versions of each. Do your research and then buy. Maybe I’ll do a post reviewing some I’ve used)

Reward yourself for a good day – I always reward myself when I achieve a goal. If my goal is to do 10,000 steps a day and I do 20,000, I reward myself with a massage or even a lindt chococalte. This way things remain interesting and you want to achieve so that you get to do or eat stuff that you love.

Cheat day – Following a healthy regimen can be tiring and boring after a while. Both Sid and I assign us a “cheat day”. We try to abstain from unwholesome food all week so we indulge ourselves during the weekend. This does in no way mean we gorge ourselves with ice cream and friend food. We will share a dessert or have an extra glass of wine. What is life without good food and good drinks, right?

 

Posted on by lopa · 31 Comments

The unhealthy Indian woman – that’s me!

Skinny, that is what I was called all my life…well…actually, most of my life. And now – it is just the opposite!!! I am not obese, but I am not thin either. What is worse, I am disproportionate! My upper body is too heavy while my hands and legs are scrawny. I know I need to exercise and shed some pounds but just cannot get into the groove.

I will soon be that dreaded age when mid-life crisis can strike at any time. I have to get fit. I have to be healthy. How do I do this? I know a lot of you are exactly in the same position as me. We want to be thin again and more importantly, we want to be healthy again but are unable to do it because of so many different reasons. This will be my space to document my journey towards a better and healthier me. How many of you are with me???? This is my first entry. I’m sure there will be many more. There will be many Ups and Downs in my adventure. But I will do this. I promise.

The Story…from the beginning

I was born premature, barely 4 pounds in weight and almost a month early in the small town of Ranchi, in the state of Bihar (now Jharkhand) in India. My mother tells me that I reminded her of a rat the first time she laid eyes on me. As was the norm back in the day, I was fed to the hilt, and by the time I was one, I was healthy and chubby. I was an active kid. Always jumping and running around. I was a climber. My mother tells me horror stories about me climbing over fences and getting into neighbors’ houses. By the time it was time for me to go to Elementary School, I was skinny…very skinny. No matter what I ate, I would not put on weight. Some of our not so kind relatives even told my parents that I might have some kind of deficiency or disease that they should take me to the doctor. Of course, we didn’t go to the doctor.

Growing up, I never had a weight issue. I ate what I wanted, when I wanted…without giving a second thought about what was going into my body. I wore whatever was in fashion. I never thought I could “look bad” in anything as I was thin. Dance was my passion. I would read voraciously and dance passionately. These two things kept me going through school and college. Even after the untimely demise of my father, which happened when I was in high school. Dance, books and a few good friends helped me through tough times. Again, food was never an issue. I was thin thus I was healthy. I started working as a reporter at a magazine. My job required a lot of travel within the city. I walked – a lot, travelled by public transport and generally was active (by default)

Bottomline – I was SKINNY for as long as I can remember. But today when I look in the mirror, the person staring back at me is big. How did that happen? How did the skinny girl become this big?

The Change

The one milestone that changed all of that was marriage and moving to a new country. Moving to America suddenly seemed to slow down my metabolism. I was slowly but steadily gaining weight (without knowing it). I know it now when I look at the pictures from back then. At the time, I was newly married. Trying to impress the husband and all around with my culinary skills. I would be in the kitchen all the time cooking Indian delicacies, which are both high in carbs and fat. I stopped dancing. I was hopping into a car even for groceries. I was so intent on being a good wife and trying to adjust to my new environment that I did not realize how unhealthy my lifestyle had become. Second milestone – getting pregnant and having a baby. Fortunately, morning sickness and nausea plagued me during most of my pregnancy. Only fruits and yogurt didn’t make me sick. This saved me from gaining a whole lot of weight.

But after my son was born things started changing. To put it in simple words – I got lazy. Sleepless nights and never ending baby chores just pushed me towards eating junk. I would eat whatever I could find my hands on. My lunch could actually be a big bag of potato chips. Thinking back, I know I made some very bad choices, but at the time, I couldn’t care less. I was tired all the time and eating healthy or exercising was way low on my priority list. Getting a hyperactive child to eat, bathe and sleep took up most of my time. The husband was not around. His job entailed travel so I was on my own a lot. Entering the kitchen to cook was a thing of the past. I only went to the kitchen to heat up milk or prepare food for the baby. Even on days that I had the energy to go out for a walk, I couldn’t. Either the baby was sleeping or the husband wanted to do something else.

So many of us are in this trap of trying to prove that we are good wives and good mothers that we forget about ourselves. This is how we have been brought up – to take care of our family first and then ourselves…an archetypal attitude ingrained in all Indian females – no matter how educated we are or how much we earn. But this topic demands a discussion of its own (which I will delve into in another blog, on another day).

The end result of the above was that there was literally zero physical activity in my life. No! I do not blame anyone for it but ME. I could have made a change any time I wanted to. I was indolent and too caught up with other (supposedly) more important things than taking care of my own self. Many years later, when I look at my pictures I feel that there is something wrong with the camera. Many questions come to mind such as “Is that my waistline? so large?” Or – “I don’t have a double chin, do I?” Or – “What is that bulging out in so unseemly a fashion? Is that my belly?” The answers to all of the above questions are the same YES. This is YOU.

I still ignored my ever-increasing insalubrious lifestyle and continued chugging along with life. Until, one day I got a call from the doctor’s office and was told to go on statins to lower cholesterol. The dosage I got prescribed was actually higher than what my sixty plus father-in-law took for his cholesterol problem. I did try to crash diet three years back. My brother in law was getting married and I had to look presentable in the wedding pictures. I did lose about 10 pounds. But I gained the pounds (and more) right back in half the amount of time that I took to lose them. This was unsustainable.

Realization strikes

My second jolt came when I met a woman more than 15 years older than me running the marathon. She had started running late in life but was fitter, healthier and happier than I ever was. She was an inspiration. Every time she would post the number of miles she ran that day on her Facebook page my heart would sink. I felt ashamed and small. Then, I decided to take my health in my own hands. If she can do it, so can I. I have to do something that I can uphold for the rest of my active life. I cannot put everything that comes my way in my mouth. I cannot eat three helpings of rice just because I’m craving it. I cannot lounge around in the house and read a book all day just because I feel like it. Things have to change. I have to change. Are you with me on this journey of change?

Posted on by lopa

The Haider controversy!

So much has been written about this movie. Every critic has passed judgment on Vishal Bharadwaj and his gang. I am no critic. I don’t even write regularly. But after watching the movie, I felt this urge to voice my opinion. So, here goes…

“Jab tak hum inteqam sey azad nahi hongey, koi azadi humey azad nahi kar sakti” (If we do not free ourselves of revenge, no freedom can set us free). These words spoken by Kulbhushan Kharbanda in the first half of the movie and then later Tabu is the essence of Haider. Unfortunately, many of us have not been able to grasp the Weltanschauung of the movie.

We are making a hue and cry over Vishal Bharadwaj portraying the Indian Army in a negative light. Some are calling Bharadwaj an idiot for making a mockery trying an adaption of Hamlet. Others haven’t even watched the movie and are simply against it because it hurts the sentiments of “our” community.

After watching the movie, I realize — you will either LOVE it or HATE it…just like Hamlet. What is brilliant about the movie is that it has captured a sense of turmoil, conflict and urgency imminent in the play on which it is based. Kashmir is Denmark and Haider for all practical purposes is Hamlet. The movie beautifully encapsulates the external conflict of Kashmir and fuses it seamlessly with Haider’s internal turmoil. The director could not have used a better backdrop — the most serious and long lasting conflict India has witnessed in recent times. The Kashmir problem is the only one that could do justice to this Indian version of Hamlet. I keep bringing back Hamlet because the director has tried his best to stay true to the plot in every way.

I don’t just mean the basic plot which essentially is Uncle conspires to kill father, mothers has affair with uncle, lover betrays protagonist and then kills herself etc. Haider is Hamlet because of the subtext, which is so very close to this Shakespearean tragedy. One such brilliant example is a subtle hint of an Oedipus complex between the mother and son. Haider’s angst is heightened because he loves his mother not just as a mother but something/someone more. This is marvelously dramatized in the movie.

The ominous gravedigger’s scene in Act five is yet another example of how masterfully Bharadwaj has executed the scene. It resonates: –

In youth when I did love, did love,

Methought it was very sweet

To contract–o–the time, for–a–my behove,

Oh, methought, there–a–was nothing–a–meet.

In the movie

Arre Aon a ki zindagi hai thak gayi, so jao!

Basharat Peer -Scriptwriter

What we have to also remember that it is a political movie and in that context it cannot be totally unbiased. Basharat Peer (of The Curfewed Nights) is after all the scriptwriter; he will therefore show sympathy towards his community, especially the innocent people of that community who had to give up their lives because of this war. We should also not forget that where there is war, there will be atrocities. People who have power will commit these atrocities. Power during times of war lies with those who have guns — the army and terrorists. That is exactly what the movie has shown. The ground reality is that the Indian army has won this war against terrorism by counter insurgency and by planting moles and creating dummy groups to fight the terrorists just like they do in the movie — operation Bulbul. The army commander fires the grenade only after the terrorists murder his jawans. The grenade does get rid of a terrorist who was sure to kill more innocent people. The army is NOT ALL BAD.

The Indian army is no different from any other. Mistakes have been committed but when there is a war innocent lives are lost — that is also a fact. One should accept the fact the majority of people in Kashmir wanted “Freedom” and they thought that it would come from across the border (sarhad-paar) but the bottomline is it never does come. The dream is shattered.

While the movie does show people of Kashmir holding banners for their loved ones who have “disappeared” for which the Indian Army is mainly responsible, here is also a board in one of the scenes in the background (again very subtly depicted) it reads “once you have them by the balls their hearts and minds will follow”. That is what the army has done and has been very successful in controlling terrorism.

Let us not forget, it is the people of his own community who first put a gun in young Haider’s hand. It is his own people who betray him — his mother and uncle, his friends (Salman and Salman — absolutely beautiful characterization in the Indian context where Bollywood is an integral part) and most importantly the people of his own community who put a gun in his hands (Roohdaar — his father’s ghost) — again!

The culmination is of course the “play within a play” brilliantly done in true Bollywood style with song and dance. The dance in the Bismil song (reminding one of Karz:- ek haseena thi, ek deewana tha”) is very well executed by Shahid and well choreographed by Sudesh Adhana in his typical style with puppets and all. Again, underscoring the worldview: Are we not all puppets?

But what lingers on our minds as we walk out of the movie theater is Ghazala’s fragmented body parts symbolizing her life. Her husband, a good man, does not have time for her. His brother, a reprehensible person but loves her. A son who loves his mother but loves his father more and cannot let go of him. She is Queen Gertrude of Hamlet but she is also Kashmir — broken, shattered and dead. War is futile. The lesson for the so-called freedom fighters — Revenge does not get you freedom — only death!

Posted on by lopa · 4 Comments

Coming to America

american flagThe first few years of adjusting in the US were traumatic, to say the least. Thinking back, I laugh…but at the time it was certainly not funny…read on to find out what I went through. Some of you who have come here in the recent past might identify with my situation…

The Why

At the outset let me make it very clear I came here to the US because I had to, not because I wanted to. I, personally, never dreamt of or idealized the west. I never wanted to “settle down” in US of A. I wanted to travel, mainly to Europe but always pictured myself settling in my own country in some upscale apartment with a steady job and a steadier stream of servants. None of that actually came to fruition.

After working for a non-government organization for 4 years I married my best friend from high school. His company posted him to the US and I promptly quit my job and followed him here. It certainly was not what I envisioned for my future. We lived in New Jersey, in a not so affluent area for the first few months. I was aghast – “Is this the America people dream of coming to?”

I still remember the first day I landed here in the US….

The automatic airport doors opened only to drape me in the cold biting air. It had snowed only a week ago and the temperature was 30 below normal. But I was meeting my husband after spending two whole months with my in-laws. So, the stinging cold changed to warmth the moment we met. Well, actually the warmth I realized came from the car’s heating system, which, to my surprise, can be left running for as long as one wants to keep the passengers warm. Conserving energy? What is that all about? This is America.

The weird transformation

Having studied in an English medium school and going on to acquire a masters degree in English from a respected university in India, one would think I’d have no problems assimilating into the American society. Wrong! The moment I was expected to independently do even the tiniest of things – I froze! No really, I could not even speak to the clerk at the grocery store. I suddenly transformed into Ashima Ganguli, of The Namesake – a young bride about to deliver her first child in a hospital in Massachusetts who struggles with language. That was the 60’s when the Indian woman was not as educated and not as exposed to the outside world. “Oh my god”, I thought, “This is not me”. Where is the confident, calm and collected Lopamudra. But somehow, the moment I landed in this foreign land, I seemed get magically transformed into Ms Sridevi in English Vinglish who cannot order a simple coffee in New York. I could not understand what anyone said. I was ashamed to say, “Excuse me”. I would blankly stare at people’s faces assuming they would repeat themselves. Well, they did not. Not only did they not repeat themselves, they glared at me as though I was the scum of the earth. You can guess what that did to my already low confidence level. I was so terrified that for the first few months I refused to talk to anyone, anywhere! As time went by, things got worse.

Driving disaster

Very few of us realize how important it is, to be able to drive in the US (unless you are living in downtown NY or Chicago…which most of us cannot afford to live in when we land here). The less said about the public transportation in the US, the better. But if you are a dependent and are trying to get a license – WATCHOUT!! The whole process can be harrowing. There are rules which make no sense whatsoever and most importantly, they are changing everyday. So, you go prepared to the DMV with one set of documents, but are asked for another set. Sometimes, you wish DMV folks were corrupt like they are back home. At least there is a way out of this quagmire we call driver’s license.

The paper test was a cake walk (most of us have grown up cramming for exams, remembering a few rules is nothing). The actual driving test, well, that is a different story altogether. I had heard horror stories about people failing the driving test 4-5 times before being able to clear it. FAIL?!?! That taboo word in an Indians dictionary…NOT ME! I was scared (to say the least).

I was pretty confident I could drive here. I was told it was like playing video game. No clutch and no gears to worry about. Just use the accelerator to zoom forward and brake to slow down.

The first day of my driving lesson. Fully confident I walk towards the second hand Honda Civic where the husband waits patiently. I sit in the drivers seat. I look down at the controls and am aghast. The car has gears and a clutch. I look at my husband. He is totally oblivious to my fears. “The clutch is a little problematic. You’ll have to release it smoothly”, these are the first words that come out of his mouth. I’m thinking “there wasn’t even supposed to be a clutch…are you kidding me’? The driving lesson is a total disaster. Shifting gears is just not my thing. I give up on the first day.

And then God smiles at me. I meet with a driving instructor who not only has an automatic car; he even speaks my language – Bangla! I will never forget that little man and his pan stained lip (yes, he constantly chewed on betel leaves). It is because of him I can actually go from one place to the other today. He not only teaches me how to drive, I pass the driving test with flying colors. The examiner even compliments me on my parallel parking. Kudos!!

Things change – slowly but steadily. But the one thing I realize is that the confident, friendly and fun loving Lopamudra is gone forever. In her place emerges a self-doubting woman who is apprehensive about everything. Oh no! You don’t have to feel bad for me. I am happy the way I am. I have become more introspective which has lead to more thinking and more realization.

On a lighter note. I do blame this country for getting rid of the confident happy go lucky girl. This country confused me from the moment I set foot here. Everything was opposite of what I knew to be the norm. Driving on the opposite side of the road; keys going upside down in keyholes; light switches, switching on in the opposite direction. Then there are the words -not lift but elevator, football is soccer, footpath is sidewalk and normal is regular. No wonder my brain froze!

But after living here for almost 12 years, this has become home. We had our child here, bought our first home here, made friends here who’ve now become like family. Life has come a full circle. Now when I go to India, I am scared to even cross the street. I’m sure God is laughing up there saying, “Take that”!