Cont…

My husband takes the first flight out from Florida. He’s in the hospital before noon on July 2, 2024 (the day after my heart attack). When he arrives the next morning, I am awake, walking and talking. I’ve just had a echocardiogram (3-D Ultrasound of the heart). The result of this is quite heartening. My heart is functioning almost at 100%, which is rarely seen after a heart attack. 

The husband tells me later that he finds my demeanor to be almost euphoric when he meets me. I guess the happiness of surviving a critical heart event is outwardly evident. For me personally, the fact that I can eat solid food again is joy enough. I don’t think the enormity of the situation has sunk in. The doctors keep me in the hospital on July 3^rd. I am moved from the ICU to the regular heart hospital. From here on things are looking good. They let me go by noon the next day (July 4^th).

coming home

 I arrive home around 12:15 in the afternoon.  My son and dogs are overjoyed to see me. It’s as though nothing has happened. Everything looks the same and feels the same. In my heart, I know, I could have lost everything in an instant. I might not have been able to see my son or my furry babies ever again. These thoughts keep drifting into my mind. I push them away. “Look at the brighter side”, I tell myself. I am here now.

I must take this opportunity to thank all my friends and neighbors. They drop off food, cards, flowers. My refrigerator is completely full with all their love and affection. The first few days are filled with happiness and joy. I cherish every moment I am getting with my loved ones.

The next few days go by in a flurry of activity. So many friends and well-wishers call, text and even come over to see how I’m doing. The shock on everyone’s faces as they learn about what happened is funny and sad at the same time.  That it could happen to me (of all people) is what everyone is astonished about. I am one of the younger people in our group of friends. Everyone says the same thing, “if it can happen to Lopa, it can happen to any one of us.”

Like in a sugar rush, there is a crash. I experience this a few weeks after coming home. The incessant fear that something will go wrong, and I’ll end up in the hospital gnaws at me all the time. My husband and son are always keeping an eye on me. They are fearful if I am quiet for an extended period of time. The fear of something bad happening is all too real and palpable for everyone.

My mother, who is thousands of miles away, talks to me everyday. She herself has had life altering surgery in 2022 and is unable to travel due to her health issues. Being far is not easy for her – but that’s life.

coping

There are other challenges which make life difficult as well. Simple tasks like loading the dishwasher and folding laundry now seem to tire me out. To top it all, everyone is stopping me from doing everyday chores that were part of my life. I know that they’re only trying to help but it is making me feel so redundant.

At this point I must emphasize that everyone around me is only trying to help me with recovery and feeling well. But when one has gone through such a huge life change the brain plays tricks. Sometimes I feel that I am completely fit and I can go about my daily schedule like I used to. But once I start doing those very activities, my body kind of shuts down. My body tells me I am not ready. I am overcome with fatigue.

Sometimes in the middle of the night I feel a little tingle in my chest or my arm or my jaw. Panic overcomes me. Am I having another heart attack? Will I have to rush to the ER once again?

Then there is the question of what I should eat? How much should I eat? Should I exercise? How much exercise is OK? Is my heart pumping enough blood? Is my blood pressure low or high? The questions are numerous. No one can answer these questions for me. Not even the best doctors. I must figure all of this out on my own, as time goes by.

The questions are numerous, the worry is real. Sometimes all consuming, especially as my family and friends fall back into their respective routines.

first trip out of town

This is the year my son goes away to college. I am adamant on attending my son’s college orientation. Fortunately, it is only a 2.5 hours drive from home. A quick check in with the nurse practitioner (appointments with cardiologists are extremely difficult to get) and I get permission to go with a rider that it is still a risk. Also, I simply CANNOT afford to miss a single dose of one of my medicines, especially the blood thinner (Effient/Prasugrel).

The trip is successful, well, more or less. I am able to attend all the important sessions for parents. But I realize how fragile my physical state still is. Climbing a flight of stairs renders me out of breath. By the end of the day, I am so tired that I can hardly talk. So, we miss the dinners and evening sessions that the college has organized. My son doesn’t seem to mind at all. He is happy that mom is well enough to accompany him to his orientation. All is good.

But the trip makes me realize that I have a long way to go before I can regain my strength.

Find out how I do it in the next blog post.

Once again Thanks for reading and Stay tuned for more…

Read Part 1 here

Read Part 2 here